"The Unborn"

Days began just as nights ended
The conviction of slowing down
I'd always envisioned
After partying and drinking
I can recall the men along with women who've penetrated my mind intensely
As i become sober
I'm feeling tired, nauseous, stomach uneasy
I realize that I'm left with an unborn seed thinking
Not being mentally stable, feeding another person, I was merely able
I couldn't endure being financially adjusted
Along with morning sickness, I was disgusted
Concealing the truth of what i thought needed to happen
Took a toll on relationships
And my secret begun to have its own cabin
I hid pain and anger through laughter
As time ran out
My secret grew a little bigger
Going into the clinic with a hat and big shades would have to be my identity i figured
Nervously I await my name to be called
Looking around with my head down
Hoping no one noticed me from church nor the mall
Me being in this predicament
I wondered if this was God's way of life's punishment
As the meds ran through my body
I stumbled as I walked
Running into his wife with the same gown as I
"We're here for the same reason" as i thought
Laying in front of three nurses, one doc
I squeeze a hand and watch the time pass on a mounted clock
My body goes numb while thoughts of me ridding this black woman deteriorates my mind
Surrounded and protected by a family full of intelligent men
Boy would she have been one of a kind
My decisions on how to go through life would've had to change
My actions as a mother, to her, i would've had to explain
Years have passed and I continue to endure the pain
Four hundred and thirty-six dollars
I've used in vain
My knees are bruised from asking God for forgiveness
Praying that he has mercy upon my soul
Because it's only "Me" that I blame