A Field of Flowers

I gave away the power of responsibility

Documents placing me guilty

I landed in an unexpected field of flowers

The soil was cold

Air reeked of putrid roots

Authoritative figures taking the place of black crows

Making rounds watering patches with scold

I squatted low to behold my surroundings

Hid my belongings so that they wouldn't resort in someones foundings

Finding reasons to examine every flower

I'm lost; I inwardly confess

So I exercise mental notations as my compass

I watched as swayed lillies, lilacs, and roses put on what seemed to be a parade

I interacted just to rid the charades

They all lacked fertilization

I should've brought oxygen just so they could keep their flowered state and

The more they swayed it was like I couldn't relate

So I went patch to patch

Each flower; I shook

Words trickled down stems somewhat formatted like hymns

It made me take a closer look

"My name is Lilly"

"How'd I get here"

"I was on my way to Philly when he..Well"

"He said I was plenty"

"My family got displaced, a hurricane, I know that they miss me"

"I had to pack light but a bible stays with me"

I took the leaf of a lilac

It was already purple and blue

It read "On my way here I bumped a couple of doors or two"

"Getting bruised and misused"

"To me it's nothing new"

"It feels good to take the anger out on other people"

"Counseling and church got suggested"

"But I can't remember the last time I even saw a steeple"

"My language is profane and my attitude is cold"

"The things I've been through I deserved it ten fold"

What really caught my attention was the rose

The sun hadn't been out but it's red hue was brightly exposed

Quiet was kept until it read

"I'll never regret the life that I've chosen to live"

"I finally realized that I didn't need to swallow the entire bottle of pills"

"And guy after guy was used just for the thrill"

"Now I'm stuck with this illness and my life hasn't been fulfilled"

"I have to remain medicated but can't hold down a meal"

"How did I get here you ask"

"I'll keep it real"

"I was in love with his unprotected sex"

"I'll admit that I remained blind due to the amount of his check"

"The results of my check-up wasn't what I expected"

"So I put flames to him inside my home"

"And my opportunities, goals, and aspirations; I just left it"

It took a minute for their situations to soak in

I re-evaluated my situation and how petty my tears have been

Those flowers fell victim to self enemy

So I felt as if I was placed in that field of flowers just to give a positive message

All the while, by the most high, my faith was being tested

I let each flower know that life doesn't have to end

But from that day forward, a new one should begin

I was a blessing to someone

And as for me, a clearer outlook on religion has just begun

-T.Vanderbilt

"Russian Roulette"

Lights off

Shadowed in the corner

I listened for the sound of the revolver

Over clouded thunder

Vibes were considered

Planted feelings got whispered

All the while, blossomed flowers withered

Animated tears suddenly fell like dominoed towers being misheard

Waiting for you to pull the trigger of bigger intentions

I allow you to navigate thru my mind

Conversion continues and later you remain in my mentions

So many options of dismissal

Goodbye forehead kisses sounding off like triggered pistols

Emptyness and prolonging

Knowingly, We're not belonging

Loving you can't interfere with my destiny

Pulling the trigger still won't let me rest in peace

I'm crazily infatuated with a fictitious enemy

I exercise feelings with freedom of speech

I stand with my back glued to the wall as my words to you get impeached

Let me bleed out from this bullet; Please

Arrested with this cardiac

Chest pounding

My heart you've attacked

From triggered moments of mourning

As your stiffened face reacts to the ring

(Pow)

I instantly fall to my knees

"I Guess I'll See You Next Lifetime"

In my head chanting instrumentally

As the saga unfolds

You plant one last forehead kiss as I'm dismissed

While my eyes sluggishly close

-T. Vanderbilt

"Lies"

I try not to give you words and emotions that symbolizes

Once again nothing

Something in me gravitates toward loving and giving everything

I fight with myself against gravity and it's bullying me to just remain selfish and free

My actions are questionable

My thoughts of escaping remain mental

I love harder just to disregard my shallow reflexes

My stresses cancel out my caresses

I’m suited with honest lies

And you I've recruited in hopes you'd fall in love and comply

Forgive me for my bastard mind

I've executed every attempt to exempt my personal guilt

I'm trained to throw around I love you's connected to pain

I go insane trapped inside my own existence with no one to explain

It, has nothing to do with this perfect canvas painted up and down by lies that you see

I saw something in me that I’m so good at, tres times 3

Think twice before you analyze me as “Mrs. Messed Up”

Admirably I’m one of the chicks you’d wife up

Letting you in just to let it all out

Maybe I F’d up

My little secret; I just filled you in

You love me

I love you too

I’ll continue to pretend

-T. Vanderbilt